Mark Gilbert over at Bloomberg has a hilarious column equating investment banks with rock bands.
Citigroup = Ozzy Osbourne: In Liar’s Poker, Michael Lewis wrote that the key to being a successful trader at Salomon Brothers in the 1980s was a willingness to bite the ass off a bear every morning. Ozzy Osbourne would have fitted right in; around the same time he is reputed to have bitten the head off a dead bat thrown on stage after assuming it was a rubber toy.
Salomon is now part of Citigroup Inc.’s empire. Ozzy is now more famous for parading his family on a reality television show broadcast by MTV. Both Citigroup and Ozzy are growing old disgracefully; Citigroup’s many and varied brushes with the authorities around the world make the bank worthy of an alliance with the former Black Sabbath singer.
UBS = Phil Collins: The bank and the former Genesis drummer/singer are both rich, both based in Switzerland, and no one with any sense gives a hoot about either. Medallion men with year-round tans and chunky gold watches bank with UBS AG and rate “In the Air Tonight” as their favorite track of all time.
Commerzbank = David Hasselhoff: Both Commerzbank AG and David Hasselhoff, the singing star of Knight Rider and Baywatch, are huge in Germany. Scientists have failed to explain why.
So here’s a little reader contest. Pick your favorite NPR personalities and then explain which rock band they are and why. Submit your answer as a comment. I’ll pick the best one on Monday and the winner will get his or her very own NPR t-shirt.